I'm still hoping to incorporate this blog into my "Daily Routine". So far, I've managed to post occasional updates along with just some fun things that I find online and want to save. Starting today, I'm participating in a sort of "Book Review" with another blog group. The book is "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. The book lists the agreements, as follows:
Agreement 1
Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Agreement 2
Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Agreement 3
Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Agreement 4
Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
So far, I've read the Introduction and the first chapter. It's amazing the feelings that it stirs up. Part of our first "assignment" for our review was to think of "untrue" words that someone spoke to me that I heard and made true for myself. (The example given by the forum leader was as a child, he overheard people he loved talking about "filthy faggots". At this time, as a child, he knew he was gay and it was years and years later that he realized he believed those words and brought them to life in his own journey.)
Looking back, I truly don't remember any specific words ever being spoken to me that weren't loving and supportive. Along the way, I did have insecurities; ESPECIALLY and PARTICULARLY around boys. Much of my childhood and adolescence is like a big black hole to me. I hardly remember anything about my life from before my parents divorced (which was when I was 7), and the fleeting memories I do have are like flashes in a dream sequence in a movie. I was a combination of PAINFULLY shy with my peers (emphasis again on boys) but warm, outgoing and even funny with my Mom and sister. I remember loving to make people laugh, and with my family it was easy. At school I was terrified to say anything out loud for fear of being made fun of, or laughed AT, instead of WITH. So, I was quiet a lot. But with my girlfriends, I was funny Donna, so it became odd and awkward, like I was two different people. I think, more than someone's words shaping me, it was people's actions. A few people in particular. There was this group of boys who were popular. They were smart, and in reality we had very similar senses of humor. Because of my shyness and insecurity, they had no way of knowing that, of course, but I always "got" their jokes when they thought they were being so subtle and getting away with things in class. You know the movie "A Fish Called Wanda"? Kevin Kline's character always said "Don't call me stupid!" He didn't care about almost anything else, but STUPID he couldn't take. That's what bothered me so much as a teenager. I thought that those boys thought I was STUPID, that I couldn't understand their "superior" and witty banter, and it drove me crazy. As a result, I would get even more uncomfortable around them because I was frustrated and angry at the same time as I was terrified to say anything. Since then, I've gone to class reunions. I've talked to everyone I knew in High School - jocks, cheerleaders, valedictorians, scholars...but to this day, if I ever got locked in a room with (I'll call him Brian - since that's his name - blogging makes me brave! LOL) I feel like I would revert back to that same scared girl I was then. I guess, the best way to describe it is that they were simply "dismissive" - I wasn't even a blip on their radar. I'd be willing to bet that not a single one of them would have anything (postitive or negative) to say about me today. That's almost the worst feeling yet - that I allowed them to have such power over me all those years ago, and they probably barely knew I existed.
So - not every post will be so long, but I'm hoping that using this book review as a guide will help me to post more regularly, and that putting the words on "e-paper" will help me make the most of this process.
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